I just threw up on my dentist
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Drake has all the answers
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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