Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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