guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
