he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Less talking, more tequila
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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