I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
