i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
