My room smells like vodka and shame
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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