just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
