I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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