I forgot how hot balto sounded
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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