Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
