Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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