Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
