So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
