What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
