She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found your dick twin last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
