He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
