Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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