Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
