How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
