You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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