Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
