epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize