at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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