just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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