He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
