Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
