You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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