it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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