He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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