it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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