Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
