I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
