This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
