Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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