i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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