sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
