I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
