Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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