Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need moral support for this bender
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
