You surviving the open bar?
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I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
