ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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