Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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