we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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