Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
