He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
