Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i would punch a child for taco bell
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
