I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
