ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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