I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
