And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
