Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
