I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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