Can i not drive my cunt home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
