Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
