he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
