I wish I could teleport
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
