why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
