also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
