Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
