We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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