i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
