Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
