This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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