I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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