Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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