she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
