You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
