found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
