Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
