you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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