alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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