I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
