dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
