In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
