nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
