just come out here and I will go home with you...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
