You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
