hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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