His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize