i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
